prompt: ssm17, day 29- connected feelings
summary: sasuke recalls the moment he knew.
notes: better late than never…?
“tell me about when you first fell in love with mama,” his daughter had asked him one sunday evening, somewhere near the border to takigakure. it was their first mission together, the first one he had said yes to, that is. intel was simple enough, but danger seemed to follow people like sasuke, and he knew that.
a request like this just five years ago might have terrified him, more than any foe he had ever faced, especially coming from the one person in his life he wanted most to impress. though after years of small steps, of forging a bond with his child he could only ever have dreamed of, sasuke only posed, “what do you want to know?”
the fifteen year old pursed her lips in a way all too similar to a face her mother made when deep in thought, and his heart only ached in the slightest, he missed her always, even in the short windows they were apart. “i guess,” sarada searched for the words, “i just want to know when you knew.”
“when i knew,” sasuke repeated her considerately, earning a small chuckle in response, “i was preparing to leave the village, the second time, for my mission.”
he had come to the decision on his own, all there was to do was receive permission from kakashi, to pack, and to go. naruto accepted the decision reluctantly, but with steadfast support. when the time came to tell sakura, he struggled, avoided it, told himself it would be best just to leave and hope at the end of the day she didn’t hate him hate him hate him. more than anything, he denied just why it was so hard to say goodbye.
it was late one night that he walked her home after a ramen outing with the dobe. she had worked a full eighty hours that week, despite any protests from he or naruto that she might work herself to death. sasuke didn’t sleep much in those days, but there had always been something oddly restful about listening to her talk about anything, deep into the hours of the night. “we’re still working on the mobility of the metacarpal, but just a few more days and i think he’ll be back in commission,” she said about the arm she and the godaime had engineered for naruto, as if it was all in a day’s work. it took everything in him not to scoff at how blissfully unaware she was of her own brilliance.
“you’re quiet,” she said, tearing him from his reverie. “well, more quiet, than usual.”
a frown pulled at his features as they stopped in their tracks, just down the street from her home. “sakura,” he spoke.
“sasuke-kun,” she responded, a flash of humor in her eyes.
“i need to tell you something,” he said, doing his best to look her in the eyes; doing his best not to think of the comfort it was knowing he would see her each day, to hear every mundane daily issue, each fleeting thought. he tried to forget for a moment that he would miss her.
“you’re leaving.”
a pulse of shock filled his heart, before he sobered, his eyes dropping to the ground, “you knew?”
“mm,” she nodded, kicking at pebbles that weren’t there, “i had a feeling, and i guess i was right.”
he didn’t know what to say, and felt for a moment that his stomach might just seize up and fall right off. “i’m sorry,” he managed quietly.
“for what?” she asked, and he noticed the nearly undetectable way her heart weighed heavily in her gaze.
he shook his head, shrugging, “i’m trying to apologize when i feel it’s in order.”
she breathed a half-hearted laugh, “i guess we all have to start somewhere.” he felt her hand squeeze at his bicep and turned to meet her eyes; and for a split second, for the first time, he wished for his other arm if only to place a hand over her own.
“just do me one favor,” she drew closer, her hand slid down his arm, and she pulled his palm to her chest.
anything, he wanted to say. anything.
“will you,” she fought hard against the blush that filled her cheeks, “will you think of me?”
sasuke tried not to hate himself so much at the idea that she would have to ask, if only because he wanted to remember this, years from now, happily. then and there, standing before her, his repertoire of happy memories was little more than a page in a long instructional manual on how to live a life of irreparable sadness. but he remembered joy, as well as all the nights he had mourned her sweet presence in his existence. this moment, no matter the outcome, would be a joyous memory. a beginning.
the breeze of night swept over them as he pulled her hand to his own chest.
“i love you, and i will always think of you.”
always.
sarada stared across the waning campfire at her father, a sobered happiness in her eyes, wondering where she had seen this expression on his face. this softness, this calm. it seemed so out of place. warmth enveloped her form as it finally dawned on her.
“maybe i should have asked you this on the way home?” she mused with a sprinkle of humor.
he scoffed, turning his head to get some rest.
a small smile pulled at her lips as she heard him say to himself, “maybe.”
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