behindheremeraldeyes:

sasusaku month 2018

days 03 & 04— restless/ burn

title: Fever

summary: It’s the night after their tragic encounter, and the team has decided to stay at an inn for the night. Even if she was supposed to be resting, something inside of her won’t let her fall asleep. Canon-verse; set after the meeting at the Iron Bridge.

a/n: So…. I was feeling a bit angsty when I started this fic and I apologize for what you’re about to read. It’s not something happy, but it isn’t really sad either… It’s pure angst. SasuSaku brings that stuff on me, and I’m really glad I could finally explore a bit of my thoughts on what happened right after the events of the Iron Bridge. Even if it’s different from the others I usually write, I hope you can still enjoy this small one! Please, tell me what you think and how you feel about it!

Fever: an abnormally high body temperature, usually accompanied by shivering, headache, and in severe instances, delirium.

It burns in a way no flame has ever burned her skin before. It irks, throbs and her muscles painfully contract around her neck. It’s as if her entire body is being swallowed by the fire, and yet, death doesn’t come to take away the pain.

Her breathing is uneven, her clothes are soaked in sweat and her neck stings at the soft brush of the thick, chilling air that enters through the window. It’s a cold night, she knows, but not even the winter breeze seems to be enough to lower the temperature of her entire system. She can feel her hair sticking to the back of her neck, irritating even more the area which is certainly source of that harrowing heat.

She holds back her boiling tears, clutching the sheets in her hands and biting her lower lip until she can taste the iron of her own blood. Her emerald eyes remain open as she stares at the wooden ceiling of the inn’s room, fear taking over her soul and preventing her eyelids to remain closed for more than a second.

Sakura doesn’t dare close her eyes, no. She doesn’t want to be trapped in that dark inferno that resembles his cold stare so much. She saw his eyes less than 24 hours ago, and even if that used to be a dream of hers for the past 3 years, now, she’s completely terrified of them.

Those eyes… That man.

Her heart aches and her neck burns at the simple thought, and once again, the medic nin starts to feel her throat constricting with an unusual weight wrapped around it. A panic attack is building up inside her— the second of the night— and she uselessly struggles to differ reality from the nightmare she can’t really hide from.

You’re safe, she thinks, repeating it like a mantra in her head. You’re alive and so is he. Now pull yourself together!

She’s shaking in fear now, and that reaction only makes her hate herself even more, for it reminds her of her past. It reminds her of the girl she used to be, who believed being a ninja meant only that she would be able to spend her days with the coolest boy of her class.

That girl was pathetic. She was weak and too pure for the real world a ninja has to face. Always worrying about futile things and never really having to sacrifice much to cross her obstacles, that girl had no idea of the harsh reality that awaited for her.

She didn’t know the real meaning of loving someone. And tonight, once again, Sakura was paying the price for that ignorance.

“ Fuck.” A deep curse escapes her lips, and the pinkette finally decides that lying in bed like that won’t really help her calm down. Slowly, then, she rolls to the side, sitting up as both of her feet are touching the hard, wooden floor. She rests her elbows on her knees, her bangs falling forward as she lowers her head, and it’s only after she sighs, defeatedly, that the medic nin stands up. Quickly, she spares a glance at the night sky through the open window, hopping— begging— not to see any traces of red in between those trees. She stumbles her way towards the small bathroom, and once there, her fingers hesitate a bit before turning on the lights. Sakura isn’t sure if turning them on will be a good idea, but eventually, she does, blinding her at first before her eyes can finally settle.

And once they do, her heart sinks a little deeper.

As she stares at the woman in the mirror, Sakura finds that it’s still hard to believe that all of those colors are, indeed, painting her body. She swallows hard, lifting her right hand to her neck, and this time, sad tears manage to run down her face.

It burns, she thinks, still not able to take her eyes away from her own reflex. For it’s been over 8 hours since their encounter, the colors have already settled around her skin, an ugly mix of purple and red outlining the one mark that will forever haunt her thoughts.

There’s a hand there. His hand, with all of his fingers encircling her neck and preventing her from breathing. Even if her brain knows that she is safe right now, Sakura can still feel the same, burning pressure that crushed her throat earlier today. He was strangling her with all his strength, and in his eyes, she saw no mercy or regret. In his eyes, there was a burning flame that was going to swallow her alive, the heat from his soul scaring the life out of her. He was going to kill her. That man was going to kill her in the same way she tried to kill whatever remained of the one she was supposed to bring home.

The thought of her actions makes her fingers curl into a tight fist, and she can feel her nails piercing through the skin of her palm. Sakura actually thought she was doing the right thing but only now she can see how selfish and naive she was for actually believing she could do that.

She couldn’t kill Sasuke. Pff she was never a match for him and she will never be. He’s an excellent shinobi, with an amazing power and no emotional strings to hold him back. More than anyone, she should’ve known that she could never suppress her feelings for him and prioritize her mission. She’s been in love with him for too long already, and she doesn’t have enough power to shut him out of her life.

No. She could never kill him. Sakura could never kill the man she loves, and now, the ghost of the boy he used to be will forever haunt her dreams.

She’s feeling dirty now. Ashamed. And yet, in the midst of that fire taking over her core, her heart feels cold in a somewhat relieving way. Even if it still hurts and even if it’s broken into millions of pieces, it doesn’t burn, and right now, this is the only thing she can hold onto.

Right now, it’s the only thing keeping her sane, and in the future, she hopes, it will have to be enough to bring her back.

Her eyes close in a heavy way, and she finally decides to splash some water on her face. A temporary cool sensation takes over her cheeks, but soon, the temperature rises again. She runs her soaked fingers through her pink locks, leaning forward against the sink and watching as the drops fall from her face. The silence of the dawn fills her ears, and if anything, she finds it incredibly comforting that her suffering isn’t loud enough to make any difference out there.

She doesn’t want to bother the others with her own problems. She doesn’t want to be the weakling again and to burden Naruto with things she was supposed to solve by herself. God knows she’s done enough already, and from now on, Sakura needs to at least seem stronger than she actually is.

No more crying in front of the others. No more hesitating, and certainly, no more hiding.

You are a ninja, for fuck’s sake! Her eyes are glaring at her own reflexion now, not ignoring her bruises anymore. Even if she wants to cry and hide those colors behind withe bandages, the Haruno girl refuses to do so, for she needs to face the reality of her own actions.

Those bruises are real. They were given to her by the love of her life, and now, they belong to her.

And just like his coldness froze her heart before, Sakura will let his harshness burn her alive if she has to, but she will face it all as a warrior should. She will carry that lump on her throat every time she has to lie about being okay, and she will ignore the pain in her chest whenever his eyes come back to haunt her dreams.

She will be stronger. Not tonight, but eventually, she will.

She will forget him, but never the one he used to be; and she will still fight to bring him back, for her best friend can’t do it all alone.

Uciha Sasuke is also a burden she has to carry. He’s a sin that corrupts her heart, and unless she purifies him, there’s no turning back on the path she once chose to follow.

Sakura can’t stop loving him. Not even if she wants to— not even right now. It’s pathetic and incredibly painful to love a man like that, but it’s the only thing left from the time when they were all happy. She can’t give up on that feeling, no. In order to preserve the one thing that has always been with her even when nothing else was, she can’t give up on that feeling.

And as she heads back to the room, her emerald eyes don’t bother to glance towards the window. She sits on the edge of the bed, that annoying silence still mocking her ears, and she hopes that, at least for now, the words— the excuses— she’s just told herself will be enough to help her through the night.

Tonight, she hopes these lies will fool her. And tomorrow, she hopes they can become her truth.